...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
