Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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