well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
