yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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