Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
