Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
