Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
