I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
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hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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