No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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