Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
