Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
