your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
