Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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