Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
