I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
