We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Found the puke drawer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
