carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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