I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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