let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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