at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
