i don't like sucking hair
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
