So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.