where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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