I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?