I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.