If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.