Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
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I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters