we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
love makes seman taste better
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.