My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
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Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.