The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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