Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
