final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
