I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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