I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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