Im at strip club and am horny
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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