its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
