The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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