Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
