My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I didn't notice because vodka
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
