I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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