There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
