She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
