her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
