Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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