Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
