Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
