I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
