Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
