you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
