I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
