I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.