Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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