At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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