Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We got so high we made milksteak
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
