it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
