So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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