Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
