you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
