i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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