Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
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Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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