Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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