You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
