Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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