Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
