her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
