I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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