Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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